Fruitcake Recipe

You'll need the following:
1 C water
1 C sugar
4 large eggs
2 C dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 C brown sugar 
2 tsp.lemon juice
1 C nuts
1 full bottle of your favorite whiskey
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Sample the whiskey to check for quality;  You will need a large mixing bowl;

Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.

Pour 1 level cup and drink. * Repeat. * 

Turn on the electric mixer;

Beat 1 C of butter in a large fluffy bowl. * Add 1 tsp sugar and beat again.

* Make sure the whiskey is still OK.  Try another Cup.
* Turn off the mixer.
* Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
* Mix on the turner.
* If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers,  pry it loose with a drewscriver. 
* Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
* Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or omething.   Who  cares.
* Check the whiskey.
* Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
* Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
* Grease the oven.
* Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
* Don't forget to beat off the turner.
* Throw the bowl out of the window.
* Check the whiskey again.

Who the hell likes cakefruit anyway?